February the month of love. Hmmm usually since my divorce in 2014, I would dread this month because it was a constant reminder of what I was lacking in my life. However, this year I have a different approach. I am shifting my mindset. Before, all I came across were men who were "hobo-sexuals" you never heard of this term? Oh ok, these are men, who are looking for women to live with and take care of them. A "meal ticket" if you will. I encountered my first one in San Antonio right after my divorce. My cousin had warned about these types of men since I was new to the dating game. She was putting me on "game" if you will. I thought to myself there is no way men are like this. Not "real" men. Which is correct not "real" men. Now I decided to try online dating to meet new people and just put myself out there. I met this guy who was decent and I figured. Why the hell not. Well, he lived in a shit hole apartment and he had no money. When I say no money, like no money. He didn't even pay his own bills his sister and brother paid his bills for him. On our first and only date, he said will you be my girlfriend and we can move in together. I am tired of living in my apartment he said. I immediately said no. Hell no. Then he proceeded to cuss me out.
Well...that was my first dip in the dating pool after that it has been a string of people who just didn't pan out, then I had to think. What am I doing wrong? Why am I attracting these type of people? I was attracting the same person just in different clothing. I realized, I had to change me. I needed to do the work. I have spent the last year or so working on me and loving me. I realized I was displaying a low self esteem and some insecurity by what and who I was allowing in my life. I desperately needed to changed that and build myself back up.
Now fast forward, to February 2021, I am a whole different Felisha. I know who I am and I what I bring to the table. As a matter of fact, I am the couch you sit on, the food you eat, I am the house!
Knowing this and owning this, I must be equally yoked as the bible say. Therefore, my mindset has changed. I am more comfortable and at ease with myself and know what I DO NOT want. I have experienced the wrong ones and now I am willing to wait for the right one. So February doesn't affect me like it used too. I love seeing all the couples dripping in love and I pray that their love lasts because the more I see love around me, I know that my love is coming closer and closer day by day.